living in community is the hardest thing i’ve ever done. i say this weekly and mean it. but in may, i found myself repeating it almost daily. conflict plagued the house, reorganization became necessary, and a lot of the house members started asking “what the heck are we doing”?

june rolled around and though a house member had moved out, a communal meal plan had been organized, and planting was in full swing; i was expecting more of the same. my lack of faith in the community had drained me and was certainly taxing my housemates. i was kind of starting to feel like i had failed at this community-building thing. and then i took a moment to stop being obsessed with my own importance, my own reputation. this whole experience is about the successes and struggles of a group of people raised in a culture that undermines collective action. it isn’t about whether or not this community of people fit into my vision of what we should be. it is about our collective process, about the community we’re becoming, about the shared vision we’re living into.

it is so very hard to let go of popular ideas of achievement, to stop regarding so highly the opinions of people who don’t do this work, and to start listening to one another. but eventually, we have gotten down to that good work and found that we like what we are doing.

pear tree in front of the sparrow community house

“to be homeless the way people like you and me are apt to be homeless is to have homes all over the place but not to be really at home in any of them. to be really at home is to be really at peace, and our lives are so intricately interwoven that there can be no real peace for any of us until there is peace for all of us.” -Frederick Buechner